The Antidote
Be warned, it's gonna be a tough one today.
I want to talk about the poison that infects us when we experience abandonment.
I am hitting this one head-on because, on our journey together, God is digging deep with us so we can remove any painful gunk that is holding us back.
The remnants of abandonment are nasty little buggers that can burrow their infectious poison deep within us.
The poison enters in and infects us when the people we loved the most left us unprotected, unsupported, and uncared for. They gave up and, from our perspective, never thought of us again.
That hurts. That hurts really bad.
As I write those words, I can remember what that poison of abandonment did to me, how it ached deep within, and how it warped my heart and mind.
The initial ache slowly turned to anger.
How could they? Why would they? How dare they!
Then came the shame.
What is wrong with me? I must be unlovable. Why else would they leave me?
Desperate seeking soon followed that shame.
Maybe they will love me. How about them? Maybe they will protect me. Oh, they seem nice. Maybe they will stay with me.
The seeking brought lots of people pleasing and contorting.
I bet they will love me if I do this for them. Maybe they will stay with me if I am this way or that way. Whatever it takes for them not to leave, I’ll do it.
Finally, exhausted, I would collapse into an isolated heap of hopelessness.
Is there no one I can trust? I am just going to push everyone away. They were right to leave me. I am better off alone.
It might seem a bit dramatic, but that is how it felt.
The poison of abandonment just kept flowing for so many years.
Until.
God found me.
God gave me the antidote for that poison. His unconditional, always present, never leaving me ever, ever, ever love.
He picked me up from that heap and helped me see that, with His gentle help, I could forgive those who left me unprotected.
I began to see things from a different perspective and understood, in a profound way, that hurt people hurt people.
They often do not know what they are doing or realize how much their choices are hurting others as they, too, have been poisoned.
It took me a while to trust God to dig deep into the dark corners and crevices and pull out that poisonous junk.
But, ever so slowly, my ache subsided.
I began to release the poison and allow God's love to soothe my aches and pains.
My anger turned to empathy.
Shame turned to esteem as I began to love myself and find others who would love and care for me as I am, properly and wholly.
The journey of healing continues, and the best part is that, no matter what, God is never going to leave me.
He found me, and He is never going to let me go.
If you have experienced abandonment, my heart aches with you.
God is with you here, right in the gunk, and He is holding you close as you go through this journey.
God's love is the antidote you need to begin to remove the poison that flows within.
You are not, and you will never, ever, ever, EVER be alone.
God has found you, and He is never, EVER, going to let you go.
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Romans 5:8
But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Psalm 139:7
Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?
Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.