What Do You Need?

The holidays are such a peculiar time of year for me.

On the one hand, I love all the holiday decorating, cookie making, festivities with family and friends, and faith-filled traditions that remind me of the power of Christmas.

But on the other hand, it's a super stressful and depressing time.

My hyper-independence drives me to do it all by myself, and I become buried in to-do lists filled with every possible thing I can think of that I want to accomplish before the end of the year.

When someone asks if they can help, I respond with my two chart-toppers: "No, I'm fine, I'm good," or "Never mind, I'll just do it myself," sprinkled with a dash of passive-aggressive snottiness.

Suddenly, in the middle of a sweat-induced frenzy I've worked myself into, memories of those who have passed flood my mind, and I quickly search for a fuzzy blanket and a remote to soothe myself with a good binge of the cheesiest holiday movies I can find.

That is, until my phone buzzes with reminders of things to do, and I'm up and at it again.

What was I saying again about this being the theme of peace in the Advent season?

Oops.

I was sharing all this with a friend the other day, and she said something that stopped me in my tracks.

"You know, you can ask for what you need to feel loved and supported."

Wait.

What?

I'm not supposed to do everything, hold in all my feelings, and be filled with resentment and frustration because people are not reading my mind and giving me the care and support I'm unsure I would actually accept if they did?

I thought that was what the holidays were all about!

That chat with my friend got me thinking.

What is it that I actually do need?

Sure, I could list out the tasks and chores I could delegate.

But I think my wise friend meant something a bit deeper.

What do I need to feel loved and supported amidst the sadness of loss?

What do I need to feel safe when filled with unrest, uncertainty, or worry?

How can I accept help and become just a bit more dependent on those around me?

I could list a ton of reasons why I struggle with asking for what I need.

I'm sure you could, too.

And when I think of you, my heart is filled with love and encouragement to inspire you to get the help and support you need.

Why is it so much easier to give others what they need?

Maybe we should pose the questions to ourselves more like this:

If a beloved friend were in your situation, what do you think they would need?

The answers may flow easier when we think of it that way.

Beloved, those who love us want to give us what we need.

They don't want to see us suffer or walk on eggshells as we make everything awkward with our martyrdom.

Of course, we can never forget where our biggest help comes from - our loving God, who is ready, willing, and able to help us when we are ready to receive.

Don't go it alone; ask for what you need and allow those who love you to be there for you.

Perhaps peace can be found when we ask for what we need and then sincerely receive what we are given.

It's worth a shot, isn't it?

Psalm 124:8

Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Galatians 6: 2-3

Carry one another's burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the requirements of the law of Christ [that is, the law of Christian love]. For if anyone thinks he is something [special] when [in fact] he is nothing [special except in his own eyes], he deceives himself.