Halted

Confession time...

I am easily annoyed and triggered.

More often than I would like to admit, I can lose my cool and allow the stresses of life to destroy my peace and joy.

Just ask my daughter to recount my recent foot-stomping, sweat-dripping, colorful words screamed loud enough for all to hear, full-blown temper tantrum she was lucky enough to witness while I was "installing" a curtain rod.

Add in some family stress and a couple of doses of calamity, and I can forget that I am nestled in the strength of God's loving, peaceful, merciful arms while I scream from the top of my lungs like a toddler who hasn't slept in days.

When I am in full-triggered mode, panic sets in. 

I want to fix it NOW, and I want to make it go away NOW.   

Cue the snack drawer pillaging, numbing, overthinking, and overreacting.

The devil knows my trigger points and where and when to strike. 

If I am not careful, I'm right back into my old habits and patterns that I know will only cause regret and pain.

There must be another way!

I just learned about the acronym HALT.

Before I lose it or eat a day's worth of calories in mere minutes, I am working on pausing and asking myself if I am:

H - Hungry (or thirsty - I amended this one)

A - Angry

L - Lonely

T - Tired

I added in a couple extra, just cause I'm fancy like that:

E - Exercise

D - Delegate

If I am Hungry, I become hangry pretty quickly. I try to have healthy snacks on hand rather than tearing open a party-size bag of cheese puffs. Celery doesn't always help, but I'm trying here. I have also learned that if I am dehydrated, anxiety gets the best of me, so I always have my handy dandy jug of water nearby to chug.

If I am Angry, I can sit with it, feel the feelings within, and talk to God to work through things before I react and say or do something I regret. I can sit with my feelings and try to offer forgiveness and understanding. 

If I am Lonely, I can reach out to those who care and love me. This is easier said than done, as I am much better at giving than receiving. I have been fortunate to create a support group of loving people who don't mind sitting with me in funky, scary, or uncertain moments.

If I am Tired, I can sit and chill or walk away from what is upsetting me. This doesn't come easily to me, either, as I am a get-it-done-now fixer-upper girl. I must remind myself of the hundreds of times when patience, rest, and trust in God brought the best solutions.

Oh yeah, I should mention Exercise. For me, stress and anxiety are immobilizers, and I can easily become one with my couch or sit frozen in my funk. If I get out and walk and look at the beautiful flowers or exercise until the stress sweats out of me, it’s easier to get out of my head and stop the hamster wheel of worse-case-scenario rumination.

Delegating is tough for this overly responsible, "I'll just do it myself" controlling chica. I must welcome others to partner with me in everything, as I cannot do it alone. Lastly, I would be amiss if I didn't mention the most crucial delegation—stepping aside, unclenching my controlling fists, and allowing God to solve the problem and present the best solution. I am not, after all, Jesus Junior.

Before we are triggered, let us pause and be HALTED to keep our peace.

I am a work in progress, and I am so grateful that God found me and is helping me learn new skills on this journey, even if I slip up sometimes. 

So listen here, you trigger-point-finding devil. You aren't messing with me today.  

I will not be triggered, even if I have to fix that curtain rod, because it is looking a little crooked.

I hope this confession helped you a bit today. If you relate to my silly ravings, I want to remind you that you are not alone!

God has found you, and He is never, EVER going to let you go.

Proverbs 16:32

Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.

Matthew 7:1-5

Do not judge, or you too will be judged.For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Psalm 86:15

But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.