No Longer

This one might get a little intense; don't say I didn't warn you.

Many years ago, my Uncle gave me some wise advice that finally sunk in about 30 years later.

His advice went something like this:

"You are an adult now. You can no longer blame what happens in your life on your parents or anyone else. You are in charge of you, and you determine what happens next."

For many years, that advice annoyed me.  

I was angry with him for not feeling sorry for me or for not giving me the attention and pity I deserved.

He simply thought all of that blaming and, dare I say, whining was a waste of time.

He was pragmatically logical - it happened, it sucked, learn from it, move on.

But I didn't wanna move on.

I wanted to stay stuck in my pity prison, telling all my "woe is me" stories and remain in an ongoing loop of pity, self-sabotage, blame, and condemnation.   

Decades had passed since the terrible things happened, yet as I retold the stories and looped around, I brought them back to life time and time again.

I wasted so many years confined in that loop.  

I can almost see the devil crouched down, circling me, keeping me stuck in a pile of ashes that represented all my pain and anguish, chained up and imprisoned as he spewed his evil whispers around me.

"Remember what happened?

You'll never be okay.

You weren't loved, and you never will be,

You shouldn't forgive them.

You also shouldn't forgive yourself; they were right about you; you are worthless.

You will never amount to anything.

You'll never get past this."

I know that all sounds really mean, and I saw it that way for a long time, too.

But one day, a dear friend of mine switched my thinking to see that those nasty voices were actually trying to keep me safe and protected. I don't know why they had to be so mean about it, I mean jeez la weez.

As I began to believe and receive the love of God and see things from His perspective, I started to understand the intention of those voices and talked back to them with kindness and understanding.

I talked to those voices like they came from a younger version of me - a scared, hurt, and alone little girl imprisoned in the darkness.

I assured them that I was, in fact, loved and forgiven and that if I was brave enough to offer forgiveness to those who hurt me, I could forge a path forward that would set in motion a freedom that would change everything.

I held that little girl close and told her how beloved and worthy she was and how a life of freedom in the light was well within her grasp.

No longer does she have to hide in the darkness.

No longer does she have to stay stuck in the loop of being a victim, clenching her villains in unforgiveness, scared of the world, and afraid to come into the light.

She is going to be okay.

She is okay.

I got down on my knees, gently hold her shoulders with my hands, and looked that sweet little girl straight in the eyes: "You are beloved. You are worthy. You are safe. You are in charge of you, and you are so strong and capable. You, my wise and wonderful girl, determine what happens next."

I imagine Jesus kneeling beside me and looking at us with a love that would shatter any darkness. He embraces us both, and together, we stand up and go forward into the light of freedom, far away from the loop of imprisoned darkness.

Whatever your loop is, whatever the voices are telling you, you can choose to no longer remain stuck in darkness.

You, my strong, capable, wise and wonderful friend determines what happens next.

And let me tell you - that is gonna be some next-level awesomeness.

Are you ready to move into the light of freedom?

Let's GOOOOOOOOOO!

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

John 8:36

So if the Son makes you free, then you are unquestionably free.

Jeremiah 1:5

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.