Terror

Yeah, yeah, I know. Not the happiest of titles.

I had to write about this today, as it's been sitting with me for a few days since I had a conversation with an old friend I ran into at a grocery store.

I mean, I didn't literally run into her, though that would make the title really appropriate.

We saw each other across some frozen chicken thighs and squealed with delight as we embraced and stood in the middle of the aisle, blocking fellow shoppers (sorry, not sorry) and catching up on life, work, family, etc.

We both have young-adult-aged kids, and we had an authentically candid conversation about how tough this stage of parenting can be.

I love authentic conversations, don't you?

All the false advertising we portray can cause shame and secrets and make us think we are the only ones going through stuff.

Trust me, we're not.

Everyone has stuff.

Yep, even them.

Anyhoo, my friend began to share some of her experiences from a few years back with one of her kids.

She used the word terror to explain how she felt observing some of their choices.

Terror - defined as extreme fear.

Yep, that sums up parenting young adults quite perfectly.

We have spent a long time fixing our stuff and trying to heal our wounds.

Our biggest fear is that our kids will have to do the same thing.

My aunt once told me that we are so busy trying not to make the same mistakes our parents did that we end up making brand-new ones.

Truth.

Our worst fear - our terror - is that our children will follow in our footsteps and make the same or, God forbid, worse mistakes.

I'm no psychologist, but I think that those of us who have experienced intense trauma, abuse, or addiction (which probably covers most of us) severely struggle with watching those we love struggle.

We long for perfection and compliance so that the rough times are behind us, and it's only smooth sailing from here on out.

Jeez, no pressure or anything.

We know, realistically, that we will all have problems, even on this beautiful path of God's beloved ones.  

The good news is that God is with us every step along our imperfect but beautiful journey.

God is with all of us - including our imperfect and beautiful loved ones, guiding them, whispering to them, chasing after them, loving them, forgiving them, healing them, saving them, and redeeming them.

Just like He does with us.

In our moments of terror - we can remember to trust God and not be filled with fear, dread, or worry.

I know it's hard to do with our kiddos, as they are our most precious things.

God knows that, too, as we are His most precious things.

I appreciated my friend's honesty that day.

Hearing that her kids have settled in and are doing great now, having passed the prefrontal cortex formation stage, reminded me that all kids go through those growing pains, and things will be okay.

God is whispering to us, "Things will be okay, beloved, trust Me."

Okay, God, we're listening and trusting.

Psalm 91: 1-2

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress,

my God, in whom I trust."

James 1: 12

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

John 14:27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid.