Unhooking

Have you heard of the term "narcissism?"  

Understanding this personality disorder and what happens when you are affected by someone with it was a life changer for me. I only wish I had known about it sooner!

I'm no therapist or scholar, but here's how I understand it.

The word "narcissist" comes from a good-looking hunter dude named Narcissus in Greek Mythology. The gist of the story is that Narcissus rejected everyone else and focused only on his studly reflection in a pool of water.  

He blew everyone else off and cared only for himself as he stared into his reflection until he died. In his place grew a flower named Narcissus, which we call daffodils (I'm just throwing that last part in since it's Springtime).

If you have been "lucky" enough to have come into contact with someone only obsessed with themselves like this fine fellow, you know how "fun" that can be.

Narcissists are typically manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding. They lack empathy, dislike feedback, and blame others rather than take responsibility. In their eyes, they are the supreme awesomeness, and the rest of the chumps in the world are there only to serve their needs.

If you have had a parent, boss, friend, or significant other that sounds somegthing like this, dealing with them can have a negative and devastating effect on your self-esteem and confidence. 

I can almost see you nod your head.

When a narcissist hooks you, you only exist for their use or pleasure. 

They will woo you initially to lure you in. You will feel like a superstar with all the words of praise. You are so captivated and enamored by them that gargantuan red flags wiping you in the face go completely unnoticed.

Then, once you have served your purpose for them and they grow tired of you, the narcissist begins to manipulate and twist you until you are broken, then gleefully discards you and moves on to their next victim. 

A narcissist hooks and brainwashes you into thinking you are unwanted, unworthy, and useless, and in the end, convinced you have lost your mind. 

If you have had a parent like this, the effects are devastating, and you can develop a pattern of almost being magnetized to find new narcissists in your adult life who treat you similarly.

But, there is hope, my fellow hook-ees.

Once you are aware of the pattern, it's like the lights are turned on for the first time. You see it so clearly now!

And the unhooking can now begin.

And you know who is a fantastic unhooker? You guessed it, God.

It takes a lot of work to untangle this one. But God is nothing if not patient.

He will sit down with you, help you unlearn the lies you have believed, and remind you of the truths of who you are.

Not only are you enough, loved, and wanted, but you are also brilliant, creative, resourceful, and pricelessly precious.

Sit with God, write down what makes you unique, and let him remind you who you are. You have accomplished so much, overcome so much, and persevered. This is about you - it is not about trying to change or blame those narcissistic hook-ers.

Write down every glowing review of your amazing life until your hand cramps. 

Then, let God show you the patterns that might have started early on and how to avoid falling for those bait-filled hooks again!  

He will protect and guide you and bring resources and support to help you.

One tip from a recovering hook-ee, if someone is wooing you in with excessive praise and tearing someone else down in the process, swim away as fast as you can!

I'll leave you with this last thought.

Don't be a Daffodil!

Isaiah 54:17

No weapon that is formed against you will succeed; and every tongue that rises against you in judgment you will condemn. This [peace, righteousness, security, and triumph over opposition] is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, And this is their vindication from Me," says the Lord

Psalm 37:7

You are my hiding place; You, Lord, protect me from trouble; You surround me with songs and shouts of deliverance. Selah.

2 Timothy 4:18

The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.

Psalm 138:17

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me; You will stretch out Your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and Your right hand will save me.