I’m Fine...I’m Fine…oh Sh.….
Read the content below or, if you prefer, click on the black box right here and you can listen to my sultry voice as I read it to you. Lucky you.
It’s been 5 whole months since I’ve created new content here on The Funny Kind. The realization that so much time had passed stung pretty intensely today (shame spiral be gone). You may have been wondering where the heck I’ve been. Well, please allow me to explain.
Back in June, I was on a roll of finding my way through this new adventure called “The Funny Kind” and was filled with energy and creative optimism. I was excited about infusing humor and kindness into the world and was feeling such progress and purpose. And then,
Pardon my language - I mean it - please forgive me cuz I’m gonna swear a bit more than a bit. I just can’t express this situation authentically without some sassy language.
Shit happened.
Seems to happen when you least expect it doesn’t it?
I’ll spare you the gory details cuz ya know, we all have shit happen once in a while. My shit isn’t any more newsworthy than your shit so, for this moment, I’ll move on from all the particulars and focus on some of the things I’ve been learning during this shitstorm sabbatical.
Key learning #1 - PROTECT YOUR ENERGY when shit happens
It is exhausting, unhealthy and counterintuitive to project the opposite of your reality when you are in a shit storm. I’m not saying you have to walk around being all whiny and negative and go on and on with repetitive detail of your sad story, that’s a little extreme (and slightly annoying), but I think you know what I mean.
Of course, I’m all for the idea of pulling yourself up by the bootstraps (what does that even mean - I would fall over if I tried that), and getting out of your head and seeking help, serving others, praying, exercising, creating actionable solutions - all that is great.
What I’m talking about is when you post things on social media - and we all do this - that make it seem like life is a highway and you are riding it all the way home, but, in reality, you are stalled on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere with no phone service, no gas, it’s 120 degrees and you have to go potty, BAD.
Faking it and putting out the “I’m fine, I’m fine” vibe is a lonely journey that our culture has really exacerbated in this world of treating ourselves like products that must be branded and marketed. Projecting a contrary message to what you are really going through somehow makes the shittiness of a shitstorm even shittier (say that three times fast).
So, rather than fake it till I hopefully made it, I knew I had to hunker down for a bit to protect myself and those around me from false advertising and inauthenticity during the storm we were in.
In this learning, I am finding that it’s OK to step away and focus the resources of my mind, body and soul where they need to be. If there are people or places that don’t understand that, then they were not mean to be in my life. There is, of course a difference between stepping away and slowly slipping into the poopy pit. I’ve had some poopy pit moments and when it gets real stinky, I’ve had to look for some super strength support.
Key learning #2 - Look for the Shitstorm Supporters
This is not our first shit rodeo, therefore I have witnessed this miraculous wonder before, but it never ceases to amaze me. The wonder I am referring to is the phenomenon of the Shitstorm Supporters. These are the people that step into the shit with you.
They don’t stand over there yelling “Hey Erica, you should get out of that shit. Have you tried this shit cleaning solution? If there is anything you need whilst you sojourn in the shit, please let me know. This too shall pass. Give it to God. You can handle this.” This kind of pithy advice from a distance is no help for those inhabiting the shit.
What makes a Shitstorm Supporter so different and amazing is they get right in there with you.
They are WITH you. They are judgement free participants in your shitty story.
Some are activators who are physically helping you get through
Some are prayer warriors, protecting you in the spiritual battle raging on
Some are caregivers, providing outlets for you to care for yourself and those you love
Some are listeners who provide space for you to let it all ooze (ewe right?) out of you without judgement
There are many roles that can be played on the team of supporters and I am eternally grateful and amazed by all those who ruined their fancy shoes to step in the shit with me.
The thing that really blows my mind is that the people that come forth aren’t always the ones you think will They can of course be family and friends but they can also be acquaintances or even strangers. I am getting chills right now just thinking of the God appointed design of our unique Shitstorm Support Team.
One important note that Is critical - you, um, actually have to RECEIVE the help from the appointed Shitstorm Supporters.
Us “I’m fine, I’m fine” peeps don’t willingly tell anyone about our crap (changed it up a bit there - you’re welcome) let alone receive help when needed. But, it’s the receiving that frees us and allows the supporters to activate their calling.
Ok, now if you are reading this and there is a voice telling you “oh shit, I should have been a Shitstorm Supporter” let me say this. God bring the right teams to the right situations. You may not have been called for that team but, don’t worry, you will always have another chance. Not everyone operates the same way and we all need different things at different times. I have no doubt God will bring you the right assignment for the right person. Keep your eyes and heart open!
One recent nugget of wisdom I received from a dear friend and member of my Shitstorm Support Team is the technique she uses when talking with someone who is in a storm: “Do you need me to help you, hear you, or hug you?” I will always remember that.
As awesome and well equipped as your supportive team may be, they are human and they have their own lives and issues. Our team is essential and so amazing for sure, though I have found that it is God who I must cling to and lean on the most. He is the one that can untie even the toughest of knots you are wadded up in.
Key learning #3 - god is the Super Supporter
That cracked me up. Am I saying that our Almighty and Wonderful God is like a well constructed brazier, customized to fit us gravitationally challenged menopausal aged gals? Forgive me Father, for i have sinned. You are so much better than that, OBVI :)
Before I dig into this one, I have to make a confession. When I am in a storm, oh man am I all about God. I am praying, reading the Bible, listening to worship music, meditating, absorbing podcasts or sermons, and soaking in whatever holy water or anointing oil I can get my hands on. If possible, I would go get Reiki (Kristine Joy is a gift from heaven) every day and talk to holy people every hour on the hour. Now when the storm passes, and it always does (writing this down as a reminder to myself), I tend to go back to my self-focused (or in-secure) ways. Lord PLEASE help me to stop that nonsense. The beauty of suffering is that we see God in it - we see him in our team of supporters, we see Him in the messages he sends us and the encouragement He brings us.
As I reflect on this shitstorm sabbatical, my eyes fill with tears because I see God everywhere in it. The supporters, the solutions, the lessons. So miraculous. Having this awareness doesn’t make the smell go away or the work easier. There have been times - and will be times - I freak out, panic, shut down, eat too much, drink too much, or just dissolve into a binge fest of TV shows. And even when I revert to old ways or bad habits, there is God - that sweet Super Supporter - staring me in the face with unconditional love and bit of a smirk, standing with me always.
In this journey, I’m trying to accept God’s rewiring of my natural tendency to only focus on the poopy parts. But I know in the depth of my soul that focusing on God - imagining him right up close to my face, nose to nose, eye to eye strengthens my ability to manage the storm. It keeps me able to to hold onto him, even if the fear and worry beckon me.
One of the tools in my toolbox (ewe - did I really just say that) is having a mantra or a scripture or something that I memorize to hold me steady when the storm rages.
For over 20 years, my go to shitstorm weapon is …wait for it… a song from Veggie Tales. Yeah, I said it. If you don’t know what Veggie Tales is, it is a Christian cartoon series for kids with very sweet, inspirational messages and I love them. I mean I love them so much that I even have a tattoo on my arm of one of the characters, but that is for anther discussion.
Anyhoo, the song that I have memorized and play on repeat during tough times is Esther’s Song. I can rarely get through it without crying. I know, I’m weird. But, here me out. My favorite lyric is:
“The battle is not ours, we look to God above.
For He will guide us safely through and guard us with His love.
I will not be afraid. I will not run and hide.
For there is nothing I can’t face when God is at my side.”
If a song, scripture or mantra doesn’t work and you really need a major dose of encouragement, I strongly recommend watching this episode of The Chosen https://www.angel.com/watch/the-chosen/episode/43a58919-0f06-4283-a1f6-002b04f272f4/season-3/episode-8/sustenance I think I have watched this like 100 times in the past months. This episode is centered around Psalm 77 which is a beautiful example of how we find our way back to God even in the storms.
Well, there ya go. Thanks for listening and letting me get that out!
For all my fellow shitstorm participants - past, present or future - I hope this message made you laugh and encouraged you a bit too. It might have been a tad irreverent but hey, ya gotta be you right? I mean who swears and talks about God in the same blog post? THIS GUY! My Mom would be so proud :)
In the spirit of the kind part of The Funny Kind. - can you promise me this?
When your Shitstorm Supporters come, receive that help OK? If they aren’t coming fast enough, reach out to someone you would like to recruit. And also, look for those messages God sends you and receive them, Remember that God - your SUPER SUPPORTER - is always ready to stand right there with you.
And if you need a team member to hear you, help you or hug you, I’m ready, just gotta clean my boots off first :)
Love you!
Erica
PS - A new episode of The Funny Kind will be dropping in a couple weeks with my special guest Claire Becker
PSS - What are some lessons you have learned in your shitstorms? I’d love to hear from you! Comment below.