On this episode of The Funny Kind™, we are doing another Erica Squared segment with special guest Claire Becker - an amazing coach, dear friend, fellow seeker and deep thinker. For our time together, we are going to talk about the funky road to fulfillment.

If, like me, you are on a journey of change and are looking for some help, there really are billions of resources out there for you. Information is EVERYWHERE! But, sometimes, we just need to hear from someone else who may be in the same situation.

In this episode, I share a few things that have tripped me up or stopped me in my pursuits and Claire kindly offers some different tools and ways to shift my thinking. I hope these insights can help you – they sure helped me!

Your Pivotal Point

Here you are. You have arrived at this awkward moment or pivotal point where you're like, I can't do this anymore!!!

It may be that you are just in a funk (not the Bruno Mars kind of funk) and don’t want to – or just CANNOT do “this” anymore.

OR it may be that you have a dream or a pull to do something and you just feel this yearning to make the bold step.

Claire shares that most of us walk around the world with some kind of pit in our stomach. Most times it’s like a cherry pit or smaller where you just need to grab some friends, go to Happy Hour for beverage of your choice and let it go. Those are the kinds of pits that we can manage.

But when that pit in your stomach is peach pit size or larger it is more of a moment where you need to sit back and figure out what to do with this. You could do that alone. But there's so much joy in talking to other people about it for sure. Claire is passionate about the misconception of lonely leadership where you have to figure it out on your own. But who wants to go it alone?

That's where coaching can come in to kind of break that pit down and start to help curate and connect to resources to find what’s next.

One of Claire’s greatest joys in her coaching practice is working with groups of people where they take on different topics, whether it's finding a better career, getting aligned with your values or boundaries.

At the end of each of her group sessions, without fail, everyone says the takeaway is remembering that they are not alone. Disclosing with at least one person what's actually going on can be so powerful realizing that it's not just me, and other people are working on this too. And – bonus - it kind of emboldens our actions!

It Doesn’t Have to be Perfect

OK, this really got me. I beat myself up a lot because it is my pattern to overplan, overthink and STALL. Insert nightmare of overwhelm followed by freezing, distraction and withdrawal.

When Claire shared that this is human and natural to want our security to match our courage I was like – OHHH, that’s what I’m doing! How kind to think of it that way. My plan, my outputs, my outcomes – they don’t have to be perfect. How could they be since I’m trying something new? MIND BLOWN.

WHY, no really, WHY???

You have to listen to how Claire explains this. Asking WHY five times is a tool she uses in her coaching practice and really digging down can help you move from “shoulding” all over yourself and get to the core of why the heck you are doing this all anyways.

Claire shared a really cool realization she has found from the hundreds of people she has coached.

As you are trying to drill down to your WHY, it’s often cemented in the past. We're trying to get back to moments of truth we've experienced and figure out how to build on those. We get to sit with it for a minute and really dig deep.

For example, my whys for The Funny Kind™ are:

I love laughing and having deep conversations
It brings me total joy watching people laugh
It also brings me total joy to encourage and inspire others
I need to find the goodness and light in the world so maybe others do too
It makes me happy that I am bringing laughter and joy into the world

Asking a lot of why questions cannot just help you know what to do AND what not do to!

PS – Using the 5 Why’s technique is really hard to do on your own. Ask for some help from a friend or get a coach (I know this great coach named Claire) who can help you!

Hey You Negative Voices, Get Outta My Head!

The first coach I worked with – Sue Keely – taught me all about these voices in my head. How to name them, how to learn from them, how to forgive them, and how to quiet them. Olga the Over Thinker, Polly the Perfectionist, Wanda the Worthless and Chubby the Tempter (oh look, ice cream) are a few of the regular attendees at the party bar in my brain.

Claire agrees with the trick of naming those voices. Because, when we do that, we get to separate those thoughts a little bit from ourselves. We can be aware of what they are saying, acknowledge the message and realize that they may just be trying to protect us from getting hurt.

“Don’t do that Erica!” says Wanda the Worthless, “You don’t know what you are doing. You look silly. You should just go back to your old job and stop this nonsense. ”

“You’re right Wanda,” says Olga the Overthinker. “We should read more about how to do this. Maybe buy some books, pay for courses, make lots lists and plans. Only until we are experts and have a perfect plan should we try.”

Once you become aware of those voices, recognize where they may be coming from and what their intentions may be, we can work through it and get past them.

“Wanda, you don’t have to worry about me. Remember those things I tried in the past? Look at all we learned! Remember, we love trying new things and learning? God loves us and will always be with us and we have family and friends who stand by us. You don’t have to worry! We are going to be OK!”

“Olga, I appreciate your due diligence sweetie. How about we just try some things first OK? Look at all we’ve done so far. We are safe. We are going to be OK. You are a great planner and I know we will figure this out!”

WAIT – I just thought of another voice. Connie the Comparer. She loves to spend time on social media scrolling for HOURS (confession – can I get a witness?).

“Look at her!” Connie the Comparer exclaims. “She’s saying the same thing you are, she’s so beautiful, she’s so polished! We are never going to be that good.”

OK, that’s enough now. Connie – STOP looking at what other people are doing. I’m going to get to work, trust my gut and do what makes me happy and what I feel called to do. Let’s focus on the ACTION and mind our own business!

Speaking of comparison and action, here is a great video from Mel Robbins that explains this perfectly https://youtu.be/ijprmdiPL4k?feature=shared

Swap Your To Do List for a Ta Da List

Ready for another nugget of Claire Becker wisdom?

When her clients have reached this point of getting to ACTION – does she have them compile a list of 8,000 to do’s and prioritize them? NO.

Claire asks her clients to say what is already done and go from a To Do list to a TADA list.

Claire shared this strategy as a natural way of building momentum and recognizing that at any moment, we're not starting at zero. We've accomplished a lot by noon most days and it's to our benefit to give ourselves a bit of credit. This strategy comes from the work of Melissa Peet, Ph.D, founder of the Generative Knowledge Institute. Learn more about her work here. https://generativeknowledge.com/

This is the mindset trick Claire mentioned to support us in increasing our persistence when working toward a goal. We put the effect into action when we take a multi-step activity and see that the first couple of steps are already done! Here's an example you might see at your local coffee shop:

You get a frequent buyer punch-card that promises a free coffee once you've gotten 10 punches, AND the first two punches are already complete!
This small gesture creates big rewards - studies show that when we start ahead on a goal (20% of your work is done with this card, 2/10 punches complete!) we'll have greater persistence to get to the finish line.

You can read more about the Endowed Progress effect in Switch: How to Change when Change is Hard or in the article The Endowed Progress Effect: How Artificial Advancement Increases Effort.

What’s the Easiest and Most Delicious Thing?

So now that we have celebrated our TADAs – we are ready to move into our next steps. Enter in another nugget of Claire wisdom!

Claire loves to watch Chef Gino D’Acampo

There's an episode where he's talking about making pizza in Naples, Italy and why the folks in Naples have it right.

SIMPLE - It’s because they do the easiest, most delicious thing.

And hey, if that's good enough for Gino D’Acampo, why can't it be the same for us?

Don’t you just love this positive vibe? SOOO different from my typical overthinking and overloading! tactic.

Claire reminded us how a child learns to walk. They were only at level zero on Day 1. Every day after that, little things brough them further along to making it to their first step. Laying on their belly, turning over, holding their heads up, crawling, holding on to the furniture. No one would ever think “Hey kid, you are a month old, why aren’t you walking yet? Isn’t that a goal?” That’s how we need to thank about our road to fulfillment!

Unconditional, Positive Regard

Our last juicy piece of wisdom from Claire came when I aked her how her work brings light and kindness into the world.

In typical Claire fashion, she gave credit to another - her coach Suzanne (yes, coaches need coaches).

Suzanne shared hat one of the pillars that she has when working with her clients is to hold them with unconditional positive regard.

No matter how you show up
No matter how big the challenge
No matter how funky

I am going to treat you as a person who I absolutely know can do this and, together, we will organize the resources and sort out the things.

It won’t be easy, BUT, 100% of time I'm going to hold you an unconditional positive regard.

Claire tries to be a little like Suzanne every day and strives to treat people with unconditional positive regard.

How beautiful is that?!

Imagine if we all treated each other with unconditional positive regard, what a wonderful world this would be!

As you go forth on this funky road to fulfillment - moving through your pivotal point, remembering it doesn’t have to be perfect, finding your whys, celebrating your TADAs, and finding the easiest and most delicious things to do,

PLEASE remember to treat YOURSELF with