Over Apologizing
Have you ever considered that apologizing can sometimes be a selfish act?
Let's say you hurt someone's feelings or disappoint them in some way.
Does this exchange sound familiar?
"I'm sorry."
"No worries, it's okay."
"No, really, I'm so sorry."
"It's fine. Honestly."
Over and over, you apologize.
You can't seem to let it go.
As you keep going over things, your focus is on YOU.
The mistake YOU made
How they may be feeling about YOU.
If they are mad at YOU or are talking bad about YOU.
So you keep apologizing.
And every time you do, it is their job to make YOU feel better.
Over-apologizing is more about YOU than it is about them.
Even though you hurt or disappointed them, your over-apologizing requires THEM to make YOU feel okay.
I never thought about it this way, but when I did, I realized I do this more often than I care to admit.
Perhaps it's a trauma response from years of avoiding conflict, perhaps it's insecurity, or maybe it's a habit of people pleasing and wanting everyone to like me.
Whatever it is, it is not the kind of genuine forgiveness I want.
When we make a mistake or hurt someone, we need to be honest about what happened and think about the impact of our behavior on THEM.
Then, we need to apologize, seek forgiveness, and make it right without expecting the person we wronged to make us feel better.
It is about them, not us.
And when that forgiveness is given, we need to receive it and move on.
This awareness can free us and help us live authentically and genuinely, trusting that those around us will not leave or hurt us when we disappoint them.
We can ask for and receive forgiveness and move forward in love.
We keep on learning on this journey together, don't we?
Philippians 2: 3-4
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
James 3:13
Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.