Perspective of Forgiveness

Can you relate to this?

For SO many years, I felt sorry for myself. I kept a tally of all the things wrong with my life and was so angry and confused when good things were happening for others when my life was so crappy (or so I thought).

I felt abandoned and unprotected, vulnerable to attacks.

Looking back, I spent many of my early years feeling hopeless, sad, and unlovable. You wouldn't have known it, though; I was so good at hiding the darkness.  

In those dark times, God felt so far from me that the thought of Him loving me seemed impossible. If He loved me, how could He let these bad things happen?

Where was God? Why didn't He stop all of it?

The dark whispers would encircle my mind, telling me that I was alone, unloved, and abandoned and that no one was coming to rescue me. 

I was in a holding pattern of focusing on myself so much and only seeing the worst.

But everything changed when a friend helped me see things differently as she brought me closer to Jesus.

I saw that I was no different from anyone else.

Others were suffering in the darkness, too. I guess it's not ALL about me.

I changed my perspective and noticed that, despite all of the bad things that happened, I could find the goodness of God within the stories.

I saw that God was with me, even in the worst times. He didn't leave me unprotected; He was with me the entire time. 

I began to see the light come through the darkness of the pain.

God didn't stop the pain, which still annoys me a bit if I'm being honest. 

I suppose that is the crux of faith — to believe in and seek God's goodness despite trials and suffering. 

I had to forgive God for allowing bad things to happen. 

Rather than blame Him and continue to host victim pity parties, I chose to find God's love and hope in my life's stories. 

I sought forgiveness from God for only seeing the awful parts of life and not being grateful for all the good things. 

I decided to choose to find purpose and goodness in pain and learned I could serve others who walked through similar trials and help them because I could empathize and walk with them through hard times.  

I learned to appreciate the bad experiences because they made me who I am today.  

Forgiving God and myself changed my perspective and allowed me to find goodness and light in the darkness. 

Life has great joys and sorrows, but if we choose to, we can find the good in all of it.  

Can you see the goodness and light shining in the darkness?

Let's keep looking for more, shall we?

Psalm 22: 1-5

My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? Why are You so far from helping me, and from the words of my groaning?

O my God, I call out by day, but You do not answer; And by night, but I find no rest nor quiet.

But You are holy, O You who are enthroned in [the holy place where] the praises of Israel [are offered].

In You our fathers trusted [leaned on, relied on, and were confident]; They trusted and You rescued them.

They cried out to You and were delivered; They trusted in You and were not disappointed or ashamed.

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Psalm 50:20 

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. 21So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

Romans 5: 3-4

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. 

John 1:5 

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.