Recipe For Suffering

Confession time. Again. 

Over the years, I have developed a negative pattern - or, as I now call it- a "Recipe for Suffering."  

When I am stuck—heels dug in, refusing to move kind of stuck—in unforgiveness, I seem to follow these steps:

1. Someone offends or hurts me

2. I respond with my "It's fine, it's fine" anthem.

3. I begin to simmer and obsess about it for days, if not longer.

4. I reach out to others to slander and gossip and get them on my "side."

5. I avoid the person.

6. I think malicious thoughts about the wrongdoer, spicing up the story, as needed, to rationalize my unforgiveness.  

7. Keep retelling the story as I wallow in suffering.

8. Repeat steps 3-7.

Boy, when you write these things down, they seem pretty unproductive.  

Perhaps I developed this recipe when I was young to protect myself from being hurt. 

Whatever the origin, I think it's time to do some tweaking:

1. Someone offends or hurts me.

2. I give myself time to pause, reflect, and pray—but only a little time, as I don't want the simmering obsessiveness to kick in.

3. I ask myself why this hurt, what part of me got triggered, and what story I am telling myself that is not true.

4. I pray to God to show me how I can respond in love. 

5. I contact the person directly, fighting the temptation to slander or gossip. 

6. I share with the person how I feel and the situation's impact on me.

7. I forgive and release them, even if they don't respond how I would have liked. 

8. I pray for them and ask for blessings in their lives. 

9. I thank God for the courage He gave me and bask in love and forgiveness. 

10. Repeat steps 8-9.

I might laminate that recipe and keep it on my fridge.

Have you also created recipes of unforgiveness and suffering that are not working anymore?

Ask God to reveal your patterns so that you can develop a new recipe that sets you free from suffering. 

Let's get cooking and bask in some love and forgiveness, shall we?

Ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Leviticus 19:16

Do not go about spreading slander among your people. Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor's life. I am the LORD.

Proverbs 16:28 

A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.

Psalm 141:3 

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!

Luke 6:27-28 

"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.