Nothing They Could Do

My coworker recently attended the funeral of one of her dearest friend's brother.

Her friend did not attend.

Why was that?

Her friend didn't attend the funeral because she had never forgiven her brother for something he did 20 years ago.

20 years ago!

All those years and missed memories they could have shared are gone, never to return. 

Her friend got stuck in the suffering of anger and resentment. She could not - would not - let it go. 

So she gave up 20 years of a relationship stuck in justified unforgiveness.  

Even the most righteous indignance can separate us from those we love. 

My coworker shared with me how upsetting that was for her.

"There is nothing they could do that I will not forgive. I will always forgive my family. Grudges are stupid and a waste of precious time," she declared adamantly.  

Nothing? Wow. That's a bold statement.

Relationships with loved ones matter more to her than sitting on a moral high ground, isolated in unforgiveness.  

I had to ask her, "But what if they continue to hurt you?" 

She replied, "I have control over that and won't allow it. I can forgive them and protect myself in the process."

We discussed how we teach people how to treat us and how having ground rules and boundaries can keep us safe.

Forgiving them doesn't mean we allow them to continue to hurt us. 

It means that nothing they can do will prevent us from loving them, even if it’s from a distance.

It may be time to consider those precious to us to whom we can offer forgiveness.  

It's not easy, I know.

But perhaps, with God's help, we can try before it's too late.  

Luke 6:36 

Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

James 2:13 

For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

Ephesians 4:2-3 

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

Ecclesiastes 7:9  

Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

Matthew 5:23

So if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and while there you remember that your brother has something [such as a grievance or legitimate complaint] against you, leave your offering there at the altar and go. First make peace with your brother, and then come and present your offering.