What Are You Sorry For?

I am an over-apologizer.

I will say I'm sorry for things that are in no way my responsibility to atone for.

I'll apologize for whatever makes you feel uncomfortable, disappointed, inconvenienced, or sad, even if it has nothing to do with me.  

You know, like the weather, the traffic, the things I need from you, the crowded restaurant, the state of the world.

I'm sorry about all that. Really, I am. 

I may over apologize because, thanks to a childhood filled with dysfunction, narcissism, and chaos, I learned to over-accommodate and take responsibility to ensure everyone was calm and happy, even if I wasn't, so they wouldn't become angry or leave.

Or, in a slightly less intense view, I might do it because I simply care about you and want you to feel comfortable or supported. When I say sorry, I usually mean I am sad something is happening to you. 

If "I'm sorry" is intended to show support, love, and sympathy, that is beautiful.

It's when "I'm sorry" gets tangled up with our need to ensure others aren't disappointed, hurt, sad, or angry that it gets tricky.

I'm sorry to say (see what I did there?), but we cannot control how other people feel.

I know—what a bummer, right?

The words "I'm sorry" should really be reserved for times when they are merited. 

If, like me, you are a recovering co-dependent, working hard to find ways to allow the discomfort of those around you without shrinking or sorry-ing to make it better, please hear these words. 

It is not your responsibility, it is not your fault, and there is nothing to apologize for.

You can ask for what you need and not be sorry about needing it. 

You are a child of God. You are loved and cherished. You are safe.

When other people feel discomfort or pain, it does not mean they will hurt or abandon you.

You have a right to be here and hold the power God gave you to be everything He designed you to be.

Starting today, begin to remove unnecessary sorrys from your vocabulary and mindset.

No more saying sorry for things that are not your fault.

No more shrinking or apologizing when you ask for what you need to make others feel better.  

I am sorry if this was a bit intense.

I know, I know. I’m still learning.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Galations 1:10

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

1 John 1:9 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Psalm 103:9-12 

He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.